My first e.e.g.

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I am 3 and half years old. It is early afternoon, nap time, and I am lying in my bed. In the room with me is a yellowish crib, and in it is my little brother. My mum is in the kitchen. Those days we are staying on the 4th floor of a popular apartment block.

All of a sudden, through the window, comes a woman. She flies in from the building across ours, walks one time around my bed, takes my lips and flies away.

The sky was low and grey that afternoon, the atmosphere in the flat was dense, my baby brother was sleeping. I can still see every detail of the blue and white wallpaper, feel the texture of the orange bedcover that was then spread on my little bed.

I run to the kitchen “Mama, I lost my lips!” Certainly I must have been white. “How can you lose your lips? You look completely fine.”

“The neighbour! She came to my room and stole them!”

I remember my mother taking me to the bathroom and lifting me up in front of a 3 panel mirror that had an inbuilt light on top. “Look, your lips are there, everything is fine. What happened?” And here I was, staring at the mirror, seeing my face with a huge hole in the middle. Not only my lips were gone, but as I saw it my mouth too had disappeared.

The next thing I know, I am being carried through the hospital courtyard on a wheelbarrow similar to the one my grandfather was using in the garden, but in which they had put a mattress and pale blue linen. Other kids were also being transported around in the same way. Adults all wore a little hat and were dressed in white robes.

I was brought into a room for my very first electroencephalogram. It is a painless and non-invasive procedure, but at that age and in the space I was in, having all those wires glued on my head and plugged into a scary machine was an experience I never forgot. I can still feel the cool jelly on my scalp. I can hear the questions being asked, the sound of the machines, the deep voices in the room.

I was diagnosed by an old professor with a white beard who knew everything about the brain and all about children.

He decided to put me under a cocktail of lemony tasting tranquilizers for the rest of my childhood.

I definitely came into this world with an unusual amount of energy and a generous creativity potential. This body-mind organism was a racing car fitted with the latest turbo, and now, for the next 10 years, I would have to ride it with the breaks on as well.

Only 25 years later did I start uncovering some of the secrets behind this happening. Years of therapies and meditation would as much as possible bring me to peace with that whole unfolding and with the consequences of being tied up from inside for most of my childhood.

 

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